While spouses find it hard, children find it harder to deal with divorce. In some cases, the impact left by divorce on children are even brought into their adulthood. Underlying causes of depression, insecurities, trust issues, and the like may be rooted from the effects of their parents’ divorce when they were younger.
What is even worse is the fact that so many children actually blame themselves for the destruction of their parents’ marriage. They attribute the failure of marriage to their existence or to certain acts they committed when in reality, they did not contribute, at all, to the deterioration of their parents’ relationship.
Before exploring legal counsel options (found in law firm websites such as http://ocfamilylawanddivorce.com/practice-areas/divorce/), every couple must know how to help their kids deal with the divorce. These parents must know what to say to their children so as to guide their children in coping with the situation.
Breaking The News
Perhaps, the hardest part of it all is breaking the news. As much as possible, both parents should be present during this moment as this news could very devastating to the child. The discussion must also be according to the age and maturity of the kid. As parents, you must expect the initial reactions of your children once they understand or comprehend what divorce means.
Although it is very difficult, you must try your best to not get carried away by your children’s emotions and reactions. Moreover, do not throw shade at your partner as you tell your kid what is about to happen. In other words, avoid the blame game.
Acknowledging Their Reactions
Kids may react differently but one thing is for sure, there will be lots of crying, begging, throwing fits, tantrums, etc. That said, both you and your partner must be prepared in how to deal with these reactions without hurting your kids physically or emotionally. Of course, dealing with this is tough especially because you are also dealing with your own emotions. But the thing is, you are more than just a husband or a wife; before anything else, you are first a parent.
Reassuring The Kids
One major thing to avoid is allowing the kids to think that they caused the divorce. Some kids may feel that they have done something which led to the breakup of their parents; hence, it is extremely important to reassure the kids that they had nothing to do with the divorce decision. Telling them once is not enough.
In order to help kids understand, you must explain further to the kids that sometimes in life, couples grow apart and no longer agree with each other and so, there comes a need to separate but this does not mean that the parent and child would also separate. You must assure your kids that your duty, responsibility, and love for your kids will never change.
Preparing Them For Changes
Lastly, kids will have to know the changes implied by divorce. Inform them how their living situation will change (for instance, there may be days of the week wherein they will be living with the other parent). In some cases, children may turned over to the grandparents for the meantime while the parents settle their issues. However, do not rub these changes against their faces. It is enough to give them an idea that some things will have to change. Sooner or later, they will be able to adjust accordingly.